I want to share what happened to me this week. I am living in Jurmala now and the beach is like half an hour walk from my new home. I don't know anyone here and it really bothers me sometimes, I feel bad and lonely.
Wednesday I had a long-no-see friend visiting me and it was actually a bit awkward because we haven't seen each other like for years, communicating only by sms and letters.
So yeah, we tried to play football (with volleyball ball - yeah I know, weird) but all football gates were taken so we had gate marked in the sands. And the fact that there were just too of us was also quite uninteresting.
Not far from where we were playing too guys were sitting and playing cards but the thing is that we both were too shy to talk to them and ask if they want to play football with us. Lame.
So that is how our reunion day ended.
But today I went to the beach for a jog. Alone. And I really wanted to play football, that is one thing I miss from the high school. I walked down the beach because running just like is not very interesting. So, there were two guys hitting football ball.
And I gathered my courage and asked if they need a company and I got to play with them. It was like 5 minutes and some more people joined, so we made two teams and played for real.
It was fun! Really, that is what I call rest. I really enjoyed the game and my writers block is gone now. I just needed to get some rest, have some fun and that is all. Probably helped the tips for writers that I read today but mostly yeah - football!
And the fact that I stopped being sorry for myself but did something to have fun even though I have no friends in Jurmala. My mind really made me think that there is no exit from this loneliness but I am going to change it now!
Kay, kay! That was all for today!
I hope that someone read this and that I have a reason to continue this blog!
We all know that internet brings us huge opportunities to gather the information, communicate with friends and more. Yes, the internet.
But what would be our cool mobile phones without internet? Nothing! They would be boring. And actually we do not need all those cool stuff in every day life. Modern technologies makes our life easier, us cooler or something but there are many situations when they are just not in need.
What is the point of being cool and buy that expensive mobile phone if we do not really have use for it? Right, there is no one. But still, we buy them and we are happy about them and that is all.
We are turning into little technology monsters - we need more, bigger, better, cooler... But human is destroyer and nothing is forever, including modern technologies. I do not even want to think about that creepy technology future...
Time. When I was a kid it felt like forever when day was finally ended. It could never end fast enough but this week it feels like time is running too fast. Like, my alarm rings at 7 o'clock and I turn it off, close my eyes, open them again and it is 7:30! And I am like - how did that just happened?
It freaks me out. I do not want to end my life in one breath. This fast timing prompted me to start doing something useful because life is short. That was my inspiration to finally start #KHF project with my friend Victoria.
Yeah, as the years go by, the time goes even faster and faster. Days fly away this week. And I try not to lose it. I try to use it.
I just watched The Vamps on Capital Fm. It was funny, they are funny. And guess what? There is again one cutie on the band. For me it is Bradley William Simpson. He is cute and funny. And far, far away from me.
What makes him cute? What makes guys cute at all? Everything - the hair, the looks, the way they talk, the smile, the things they say even if they are totally senseless.
Anyway, that is not what I really want to blog about right now. What I am thinking about? The first thing that comes in my head right now is my step-father. Do you know that feeling when mom/dad wants you to like your step-father/mother? I know and I hate it!
Because I do not like my step-father. Years passing by I want to meet my real dad again. And this feeling grows even bigger although I do not know if that will ever happen. i do not know where he is. Well, almost. I have a clue but that does not help because I have no full information and so on and on. I just keep dreaming because that is all I can do.
But my step-father - he used to be okay. But know he is turned into walking bag of alcohol. I just can not stand him anymore although I try but not for him. I do it for my mom. And because I hate being lectured about the thing that I forget to say "Hi!" or "Good morning" to him. It hurts me when she lectures me to treat him good. I try but no one sees that.
I do not like him and I just do not understand why she wants me to like him. It is insane because I do not think he really cares about me.
Okay now I just gonna do something because I don't think I will be able to sleep yet.
The best thing to do in winter is to sit at home under warm blanket, with cup of warm tea and good book. In my case it can be the book that I am writing. It is something really good.
Also a good movie alone, with friend or mom is great way to spend winter weekend evenings at home. But tomorrow I am going to visit my friend In Kārķi. I need everything she can tell me about place she lives - it is for our book. Big project for a contest.
Idea is good and I hope that I with the help of my friend will be able to make it into a good fantasy horror short story.
Now I am just sitting at the TV with my mom and cat. Watching TV. Gotta some work to do - I have to write a questions for the interview. It will be interesting day. But now I feel a bit sleepy. Tired. Badge evening play rehearsal was not very good - some class mates took off and we could not rehears all.
Okay, I have no desire to continue this blog. In hope that tomorrow will be better, that tomorrow I will feel better. Bye!
It is important to be able to say it when need. That is how I make my friendship live. This blog is for best friend that is disappointed in her friend. My BF is talented in drawing and her poets touches the heart, gives me a reason to think, inspires me.
Of course, not to write a poetry but to say thank you to her. She is my muse! She is my best friend! Thank you for being with me when I need it. And Sorry if I sometimes say something to harsh or if I am not always there when you need me. Sometimes it is easy to forget that I should enjoy what I have not to regret about the things I do not have.
My best friend - she is the person that I can talk to, I can rely on her, and ask her help in book writing. I just feel like I own her these words - Sorry and Thank You! You are amazing!
I never left my friends for new ones - the Wrong Direction. That gang is dangerous and evil. You know what I am talking about. I think that it is time for us to move on and live without them. They do not need us and when they do, it will be too late. Let's move forward and leave them behind us.
I do not want to be someones slave, to be there when they need something so I am walking away. Do the same. They are not real friends. How they can be real if they talk with us only when they need something? It is not a friendship, it is them using us. Stop!
We are going to end high school and this will be done. I close chapter called "S and M - my ex. friends"!
My friends are BFF - S
And BF - V.
Not S and M.
(Sorry for the letters but I do not really want to mention names).
Cute boys are having fun and it is good to have fun, but sometimes it can get you into a big trouble and life is not just about having fun with cute boys or making cute boys want you. Life is our time to do something important. Of course, we can do nothing important while everyone treats us like a kids, that is why we are looking for solace to someone who understands us.
Yes, in some cases that can be cute boys. They are smart enough to tell us things our parents would never tell and that is why our parents do not want us to hang out with cute boys. And also because they will definitely break our heart.
Cute boys are cute and that is the reason why almost every girl likes them. And they are enjoying life, being selfish while they are young and that means breaking hearts, injuries inside and out and also tears.
Unpopular girls, like me, can only imagine that feeling when some cute boy likes you instead of his popular and beautiful girlfriend. Cute boys do not usually go for my kind of girls. They go for fun and popularity.
Unless, unpopular becomes popular. Somethings may change. Someone may think that you are unpopular because you are different than others but someone could think that that makes you popular. That being different makes you interesting.
I am not popular that is why I can only imagine cute boys in my head and that is what I am very good at. I like cute boys. But I get over them because I have never met any cute and popular boy in real life. Wanna know my current cute boys obsession? I will tell you!
If you watch MTV show Awkward, you know him. If you do not, I suggest you to watch because my cute boy obsession for now is no one else but Collin Jennings or actor Nolan Gerard Funk, if you like that better.
Collin in Awkward inspired this blog. BIG thank you for that and know that you are hottest guy on Awkward! But that does not mean that I am not sorry for Matty (childish name). Jake?
Well, that is another story but he is a bit look-alike Collin, so my guess is that Universe is sending Jenna look-alike cute boys because she is not supposed to be with Matty. But that is just my fantasy. This blog is for Collin (sorry Matty, Jake and Nolan).
What I like about Collin:
He knows what he is doing. He is cute boy and he definitely will broke Jenna's heart because she is not bitch. She is unpopular but because of all the things that has happened, she could be but what is the price for being popular? Friends! Would you give up your friends just because of not-exclusive relationships with a cute boy? I would not!
Next, Collin is, how to say it, damn sexy! Yes! And that is plus to every guy so do not get me wrong - it is not just cute boy plus. Sorry, but there are ordinary boys that can be sexy.
What else? I love Collin's smile! It is too cute to bear! Some boys could kill to have a smile like that... and some boys SHOULD kill to get a smile like that (no offense). But seriously, there are some boys that should not smile. No!
And those eyes... as I spent half an hour checking pictures of him and thinking that his eyes are brown or green it turns out they are more like grey but I still love them because those are Collin's eyes we are talking about!
Minuses? Sure! Just give me thousand years to think about that... or couple hours to finish Awkward season 3 so I could see that I was right and he did broke Jenna's heart or at least led her to tears! If I will be wrong, I will be sure to blog an apology for Collin. But I will not change my mind about cute boys being dangerous!
So, yes, I guess that it will be all in this blog - I have something more to do and that will include my best friend that is disappointed in her friend. See ya in my next blog!
There are many things that I do not understand, like people who pretend to be your friends and then just turns back on you. It is cruel in my opinion. It is betrayal. I hate it! Because I have experienced that.
I was just today thinking about people who use someone just because they do not have anyone else to annoy. In that case that is me because I am always here to serve them. Annoying and cruel.
And that is just small bit of my thoughts that I will express. When it will come to my anger, be afraid my haters!